What I wish someone told me . .

I really don’t know where to start. My mind is rambling with ideas. I type, I erase, I re-type. 

I think I’ll just jump in. Mid pregnancy, until yesterday, I have felt lost. I mean, lost in ways you wouldn’t believe if I explained. Some who know still can’t believe it..

In the midst of all the change I have undergone within and without, (if you are a new mother, i’m sure you can resignate, and if you aren’t, listen) I have always remained faithful to God. That is number one. When you have faith, God moves mountains before your eyes. You have to go through hell to get to heaven.

Focus. Up until yesterday (we’re talking 3 years), I have felt lost. Maybe I didn’t ask for help correctly, or maybe I didn’t ask enough people rather. I realize that I was going through post-partum depression (alone), and in all reality, still healing from the traumas of my life, at least 10 years worth.

WE ALL GOT DIFFERENT SHIT.

I don't come from a place where communicating is normal, let alone, communicating in a functional manner. I also do not come from glitz and glam. My struggle is different, and I respect it because it’s molding me. It’s not something I have shared with many people. One to be exact. I just wanted to let it out to all of you. Lay it, and leave it there.

I want everyone to know I am a REAL PERSON, and I am going through REAL things. THOSE THINGS MATTER. MY FEELINGS DO MATTER. I’m not just King Des, with the picture perfect life, like many people assume. I want everyone to remember that when they compare themselves to me, or anyone else out there.

YOU ARE GOLDEN.

I don’t know why I didn’t look further than the wall I’ve been looking at all this time. When we are stuck IN it, it’s easier said than done. Ask for help in more than one place. Dig deeper. There’s a light at the end.

I briefly want to touch on social, because with social media being such a big piece of my life, it also weighed in on me at a point. I wanted to delete it. I hated it because it consumed me. Made me feel like I wasn’t good enough, or that my feed had to look a certain way. FUCK THAT. 

I had to reposition my heart and reposition my outlook. I had to undergo A LOT of negative things, but I’m grateful. Don’t be ashamed. NOTHING IS PERFECT. 

My point in all of this is that it’s okay to undergo change. It’s okay to undergo emotion. It’s okay when things don’t work out. 

“Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted”

Have faith, and stay gracious. Always.