Here it is

Here it is.

For a few months now, I haven’t been as active as I usually am on @kingdes. I know it, I feel it, and clearly every one of you do too.

I’ve been really wanting to get active, BUT, something had to come before this.

I’ve always done my best to try to share as much as I can with my following. Everyone knows Des for being real, 💯.

For quite some time, I have been in a dark space. Recently, it was by far the darkest. I’m talking pitch black. As I write this now, I laugh, because I have made so much progress! I would have never thought I’d land where I was before, and I also never thought I would be where I am in this very moment.

Regardless of “life”, I think I do a very good job at still getting shit done, taking care of everyone else (social media included), and keeping a smile on my face. It’s a job. People that work take breaks? Right? Can I get a 15?

It’s not that I don’t want to be open with all of you, because you are all apart of my life, that’s just the facts. I actually LOVE being able to reach so many people, teach, and learn. Here is the problem. Honestly, during this low period of my life, I always felt like I owed something to my following, and that’s a big weight to put on myself.

I’m not one to talk to many people. I figure things out. I remember months back, doing a post debating whether I should deactivate for a while. I wanted too, but I also didn’t, because like I said, you are all apart of my life. I feel like I hold the responsibility, because you all look to me for SO MANY THINGS. I genuinely felt like I was letting everyone down.

I remember after posting, only talking to one person about what I should do, the response only making matters harder. Mistake. We know the answers inside our hearts. I should have just prayed on it harder at the time. As much as I didn't want to disappoint anyone, I was letting myself down.

I felt myself drifting away from my following. I would overthink so much about what I would post, because social media is mean and ugly too. Not being in my best place mentally and physically, it’s easier said than done to do as much as I do. I really don’t know when it happened, but I couldn’t take it anymore. I stopped responding to DM’s. I stopped scrolling. I stopped posting. It wasn’t organic, and ya know what type of time I’m on!

I poured a lot into everything in my life, minus myself. I am in the process of learning that self love is by far the best love! I’m not blaming social media, but it did have negative effects on me during the hardships of my life. A few blog posts back I spoke about the effects of social media, and a few tips that could help.

Let’s think about this. I have over 20K followers. Do you know how many personalities that is? I’m extremely interactive, but it started to feel invasive. Top it off with the ghost pages hatin in my DM and comments, being hella mean! Driddy because I’m me!

I’m a mom to a beautiful three-year-old who changed my life in the most beautiful way. There’s not really a handbook for this stuff. I really didn’t know my body would change so much. I really didn’t know I would lose so much confidence. I really didn’t know my thoughts would travel so far into negative places. I really didn’t know a lot of the shit I been through this year would even happen to me. No fucking handbook.

What I do know now is that if something is negative, remove it. Do not let it linger. Do not let it stay. Do not be ashamed to ask for help in more than one place. You are not alone, and the RIGHT people will understand. The devil is real. God loves me so much more than anyone I ever thought did, and that is where my value lies.

It feels good to tell you that I’m a human being, just like you. Please remember your well being is number one, so do not deprive yourself of love! Do what makes your heart happy and DO NOT be apologetic for who the fuck you are.

Thank you @cc.tiara for pointing out wanting me to share my honesty again. I’ve been wanting to make this post, I’ve been wanting to do so much, and every single day I am taking the steps to get there. SLOW PROGRESS IS BETTER THAN NO PROGRESS! I tell myself this every single time I feel pressured or behind. I now pat myself on the back WAY MORE than I use to. I have made really good progress, and I’m happier.

I love you guys so much.

KD